I am Back

It has been a couple weeks now since I last wrote here.  I just seem to have trouble getting started.

Both Mike and I have had colds - the first time I have been sick since I left the US.  Neither of us were really bad off - only one day where I really felt like crap, otherwise just a lot of coughing and sneezing.  We have been trying to stay away from everyone so we don't spread this crud around. 

I also had to go to the dentist last week.  I have had some pain in my jaw for months now,  but it kept going away so I ignored it.  Now it is no longer going away and I have to live on aspirin.  Because the problems are really peridontal, it is going to be a process to get things under control.  But I like this peridontist and he really seems to know what he is doing.  I was hoping for a clean, simple root canal.  But truthfully I don't think I have a tooth in my head that has not been root canal-ed.  So now we will be going into the city periodically for awhile, and we have to re-plan our trip to Guatemala and Belize.

I have been trying to figure out why it is so hard to write here these days.  Part of the problem is I am trying to figure out what I am actually doing here.  At times, I want to leave, and go anchor somewhere else, either somethere different here in El Salvador, or maybe head off to Costa Rica.  But there are some really good reasons for staying here now.  First and foremost, it is a good place to be weatherwise.  El Salvador does not get hurricanes (knock on wood).  The closest they have ever come is when a hurricane manages to come over from the Caribbean, which is rare because of all the tall volcanos and mountains it would have to cross.  If it does make it, the winds are not so bad and it is simply a lot of rain, which does cause problems in the forms of floods and mudslides.  But it is unusual.  We are too far south for Pacific hurricanes.  Another reason to stay is that it is very cheap for us here.  Costa Rica will be more expensive.  It is easy and fairly inexpensive to get boat work done here, and it is less hassle to import parts than it is in other places.  So there are many good reasons to stay.   But at times I do feel like moving on, and it is really easy here to  become lazy, a vice with which I already have plenty of experience.

Things on the boat are going well, though.  The rain catching system is working great - as long as it keeps raining we do not need to buy any water.  Both our tanks have ony rainwater now.  As long as we diligently keep the deck clean, we are good to go.  MIke also make a sort of cover for the top of the fridge to help keep the cold in and the warm out.  It is a damn good fridge at best, but this helps even more because some cold will escape through the hinges and around the seal on the door, so having this cover means the fridge does not have to work as hard, which decreases the amount of power it uses.  The fridge is probably the biggest regular power user we have.  The coffee maker and of course the microwave use more, but they are not used all day, everyday like the fridge is.  So this is a big deal.  Mike is always looking for ways to improve our energy consumption and generation.  At this point, we can go away and just leave the boat anchored here for about a week without needing to charge the batteries.  This means that only a fan, the fridge, and the mast light will be on, but the solar generator and the wind generator can handle the power needs.  When we are here, we use a lot more - lights, the computer, watching movies, listening to music, charging the phone and my kindle, and so on.  Mike is planning to add more solar panels, with the goal of needing as little gasoline or diesel as possible.  (The boat's engine runs on diesel, and the Honda generator runs on gasoline.  Both can charge the batteries.) 

Mike also got himself (well, got US I guess) a depth sounder and chart plotter for the dinghy.   So now he can explore around anywhere in the dinghy and be able to find his way back and avoid running aground.  It is also a fish finder.  This is a pretty fancy thing to have in a plain old dinghy.  Usually these are found in dedicated fishing boats.  So all the men are very impressed with this new toy, and Mike now has the fanciest dinghy around.  He is also planning to get an automatic pump (for when water gets in the dinghy) so we don't have to bail it out after it rains.

I have been debating with myself whether or not I should write about what I am about to describe.  It is a big part of why I have not written more, because it has been weighing on me.  I have already noted that I try to be relentlessly upbeat here in this blog.  There are several reasons for this. One: no one wants to read whining BS.  Two: I have a pretty easy life and have no right to complain.  Three: I don't want to say anthing that will make me "look bad" - whatever that means.  But I think I have to be honest, and maybe that will even keep things more interesting here in blogworld.  I really don't know.  I guess I will have to chance it.

Here is what has been bothering me.  We were really good friends with another boat that we met this summer while in the Sea of Cortez.  They are a bit younger than we are, but we really seemed to hit it off.  Mike and the husband are really good friends, and I was getting along great with the wife.  It was really good to find a friend, and we spent a lot of time together.  I was really happy.  It was especially nive how well Mike and the husband got along as Mike never has a lot of friends, in great part because he never likes anyone, always finding some reason not to.  Anyway, we went on a couple land trips together, and while the first one was great, I realized on the second one that travel together would not work because Mike and the wife were like oil and water, and he got on her nerves badly.  (Actually they have lot more in common than either of them would like to admit.)  OK, I thought, we just won't take that sort of trip together anymore, I can understand that, being in a small car with someone who irritates you is a bit too much.  I thought that was ok, it could be handled.  But I noticed the vibes were all wrong, and she finally told me she wanted nothing to do with us anymore.  She said Mike was a bad influence on her husband, and being around us was too stressful on their relationship.  She said she liked me, but could not stand how Mike treated me.  I was pretty well devasted, but I did appreciate her honesty.  I am crying as I write this now.

Geez, you would think I am in still in high school.  I was surprised myself how much this hurt.  It is really awkward now, when we come up to the pool and there they are and I have to act like there is nothing out of the ordinary.  Mike and the husband are still friends - even though it is like he has to sneak around to see Mike!  I never expected anything like this.  I am not sure how to act or what to do.  I am not going to try and get the friendship back - and I have to admit I am angry too.  I have had plenty of friends who had spouses or boyfriends I did not like, often for good reason as far as I was concerned.  Yet I did not see a need to dump them because of my dislike for the spouse.  I guess I opened myself up to this person, and allowed her in a little deeper than people are usually allowed to go. 

This whole thing is hideously childish on my part.  I find myself nervous that she will turn the rest of the boats against us, which of course is ridiculous.  It is like I have reverted back to being an insecure teenager again, and I really thought those ghastly days were over.  My confidence has taken a blow.  I really hate this. 

But I am going to have to move on and stop feeling bad about it.  I still have good friends, and none of this means I am a bad person or not worthy of friendship in general.  And while Mike does have his faults as well, he is not a bad person either and I am not going to blame him for this.   I guess I just surprized myself in discovering that I have allowed other people the power to hurt me,  people who really have no important place in my life.  So I should just get over it, I suppose.  But I will miss the friendship, although I guess it was not a real friendship on her part if it could so easily be abandoned. 

So - now that I have purged that, perhaps I can start writing again and even posting more pictures.  It is beautiful here, the Salvadoran people are wonderful, and there are many more good things than bad.  It is time I got over this and began again.

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.”  (William Shakespear)