It has been raining every day here, as we sit and wait for some wind to come along and help us work our way to our destination, which seems at this point to be years away. Not really, but it does seem that way. So we download weather information, and what do we see? A crazy weather pattern, that looks for all the world like a hurricane where a hurricane should not be. We have been watching it for a couple of days now, and it is not really going to become a hurricane, but it is going to cause our current anchorage to become untenable. With no wind to speak of now, we are going to have to move to a safer place and we will leave tomorrow. There is a really good spot not all that far from here, and we will just have to motor there if we can't sail it. This diddling around would not bother me at all were it not for the fact that there is family business requiring signatures and I am worried that I am holding the process up. However, we will arrive eventually and then all will be well.
One of the benefits of being out in the middle of nowhere is that you an only eat what you brought on board when you provisioned up in Panama City. So if a person is smart, and not hungry when shopping, that person will not choose to buy him or herself a bunch of fattening snacks and things like that. And I am smart. When Mike buys candy and chips, I try to make sure he gets the kind I don't like. So that way, there is nothing but healthy things for me to eat. I am remembering the things I learned in Weight Watchers, like drinking a lot of water, using glasses of water when I get the urge to eat without really being hungry. I am only eating when I am actually hungry. So without jinxing it (I hope) I am losing weight. Hopefully on my next visit to the US, I will look as awesome as a nearly sixty year old woman can look.
Otherwise, I do not really have anything newsworthy to report. We listen to the howler monkeys every day, and one day we got to see them all perched in a tree that did not have a lot of leaves. Usually we can hear them but not see them because the foliage is too thick. That was a treat.
I am trying hard not to get edgy and nervous, but sometimes my generalized anxiety gets the best of me - it took me years to recognize free floating anxiety as something that just happens and is not related to anything being wrong in reality. It is something that will pass, especially if I sit quietly and take deep breaths picturing myself blowing all the anxiety out of me through my exhales. I used to sit and frantically review everything that was happening, trying to find a reason why I had that overwhelming feeing of doom. The only way I can describe it is this: it is the exact same feeling I got as a child when I was walking home from school with a bad report card, knowing without a doubt how much trouble I was in and how I was going to get yelled at. That sick feeling in your stomach, like you are going to throw up but not quite, and throwing up won't help anyway. Now I can stay on top of it, and just do my deep breathing until I can blow it away (most of the time, anyway). If anyone reading this has this problem, try the breathing - take deep breaths, hold them a bit, then blow them out hard like candles on a birthday cake.
But I digress. I am reading a lot of English history these days, so if anyone is curious about the Plantagenets, just ask me. Or the War of the Roses. When we still had internet access, I downloaded a three volume set of English history. If anyone has any suggestions for any good books about French history, let me know. That is going to be my next stop. BUt you know, I can't get over the fact that nothing ever seems to change. Just when things look like they are settling down, someone gets a bug up their ass and everything goes to hell again. Same hassles, new faces. And everyone has God on their side.
So with that, I will end this post - a rambling, pointless post, the result of too much time on my hands and too much time to think about things. But it is still better than the best day working, so I still feel lucky.
"Chance favors the prepared mind." (Louis Pasteur)
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